Like a Summer Rose

I dont believe in protecting my blogs from other people because i think that defeats the purpose of an online journal. But I got a message from May Chen, of all people, yesterday. Here's what she said:

"hey it's been a long time since we last talked. how have you been? how's ucsb?

ok, enough small talk. the reason why i'm writing to you is because steven told me the other day that his boss likes to google his employees' names. so out of curiosity, i googled steven's name and your blog popped out. it was not pretty.

i don't know if you can tell or not, but i like steven. take a look at my facebook pictures. i don't want him to get hurt by something you posted a year ago. he's been having a hard time adjusting to life on the east coast and he doesn't need this shit right now.

i realize that you and steven had a falling out back in high school. you are entitled to your own opinions but please, i'm asking you to take down that post (google steven's name, you'll know which one i'm talking about) not only for his sake but yours. it reflects pretty poorly on you.

speaking of things that reflect poorly on you, i saw your post about asians. not cool. i used to think pretty highly of you, but now i'm not so sure. again, you are entitled to you own opinions. but how does writing something like that resolve anything? aren't you just segregating people more? that post just makes you sound like the ignorant one. i'm surprised you still have asian (i'm sorry cantonese) friends. are you trying to renounce all your old asian friends or something? because that would do the trick.

sorry, i do think you are a good person.i'm just a little upset right now.

hey, if you're ever in the boston area, come visit me at wellesley. all women's college, you know. a lot of horny babes. you'd like that. about a quarter of them identify as some sort of asian, but hey, that means 75 percent of them do not. :)"



i thought about it for a bit and decided that she didn't know what i meant. upon thinking further on this however, i do realize that i at least need to clarify a bit more when i write stuff online. lemme take a second shot, may.

first of all. with the steven thing. i really do regret knowing him, not necessarily because of who he is, but really because this whole thing is a mess. because somehow we ended up hating eachother. thats what really gets me. i'll say it one more time, i would rather never have met him than have us hate eachother like this.

second of all. the asians. i was pressed for time and came off sounding a bit harsh and all encompassing. i really didnt mean all asian people, because there are so many asian people who are nothign like what i said. what i was really angry at is that the many asian people that i observe here in sb fit this stupid generalization that i described. i was lucky to go to lowell because there were so many types of asian people who went there. many many of them who didnt fit the generalization. but there were many many more who did though. it wouldnt be so bad if it didn't have such a bad connotation. it meant that everybody who fit the generalization was necessarily afraid to break outside their boxes. afraid to leave their comfort zone. as somebody who was forced to break out of his comfort zone many times against my will, this makes me angry. why should other people get to have happy, ignorant lives while i get to rot in these stupid, hateful emotions which i am not articulate enough to explain. thats how i got may upset at me.

if i was really a good writer, my point would have been made already. but im not. so i doubt i really accomplished anything here. lets see if i can sum it up. "many second generation asian americans (or at least the ones in sf/sb) are too successful at alieviating the pressure to break outside their comfort zones. they do this by hanging out exclusively with other asian kids. it really shows here. this makes me angry."

if it makes anybody feel any better, i really hate white people too. especially white girls. i think the only race that i really like are eskimos. they're too rare to allow group think. because that's where this all stems from. people think they're different, and think that they have to hang out with their like, and that just really makes people more separate.

whatever. im probably just ignorant too.

sorry may, but this really is how i feel.