Wednesday, November 29, 2006
a hero Zero with a capital Z
Something about Job and Lindsay making funny chicken sounds is making me feel funny. It makes me feel motivated to do something I just dont know what. I feel really good when i think of their funky chickens. NMuch better than I feel now, cos i feel shitty. But taht's not being addressed here. I feel like i have to do something like write Morgan and Bridie their letters. But it's not even that. I almost feel compelled to go watch all 3 seasons of ArresteD. I wish I could fulfill this feeling. It seems to promise good feelings if i do what it tells me to. Actually, it smells of better times in years past. I didn't think that ArresteD had that big of an effect on me. It was funny, and i watched it with friends, and there was the amazing amount of inside jokes, but other than that... I dont know.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Hey Miss Murder
Oh. And Raven is ugly now. She used to be soooo hot.
I want to write a book about how mean I am. I think it will sell because i'm that much of a jerk.
I want to write a book about how mean I am. I think it will sell because i'm that much of a jerk.
Eye Mull Of Match Sheen
Speaking of Beckham, you know who's another contradiction? Spiderman. Well, the movie. Look at Toby Maguire. Weak, nerdy, ugly. Yes, i know that's why they picked him to play peter parker, but look at spiderman! I would love to look like spiderman. Hell. I'd do spiderman. Too bad guys. The people you play are cooler than you. Ehhhhh same for me.
Ugly Babes on Shitty Commercials
I'm back in the city and it's cold. Like. Cold. It reminds me of christmas. That cold. We just had dinner and I'm pretty full. This is kinda what I hpe to accomplish during this vacation.
Run a bit.
Fuckin read my assignments
figure out how to hang out and not spend money
see if i can get my minifridge AND the chair down to sb.
Not freeze
Ugh. I dont care.
Run a bit.
Fuckin read my assignments
figure out how to hang out and not spend money
see if i can get my minifridge AND the chair down to sb.
Not freeze
Ugh. I dont care.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Bonin Posh
Wow. I would have thought taht David Beckham would have a manlier voice, considering he makes the ladies faint for him. He sounds like me but more nasal. Poor guy.
Fuck i banged my hand up
my hand hurts. yes this weekend was shitty. even though i got to see jon stewart who was amazing. first of all, i didnt get to exercise. second of all, i cant spell exercise for the life of me. third of all, i got too messed up on thursday and now i cant pull the "i've never thrown up" card. fourth of all, i wasted friday night watching movies. fifth, i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate clubbing. sixth, my friends depress me when im drunk. i just cant handle them. they dont even do anything, it's just that i cant look at them and i need to run away. sometimes i do. and i stumble home by myself miraculously or, just as miraculously, find sam. elventyith, the fucking cab driver fucking tried to rip us off and i am not stoked about this at all. 2408093w854th i hate clubbing. BLUth, thxgiving is going to suck, i feel it in the air. i feel it in my bones. i've analyzed it and i now know that notihg good will come from this. just me feeling shitty. sideways8th: i am so fucking sexually frustrated. it really sucks having yoongi so far away. not to mention that im horrible at phone convos, and lets face it she is too, so i dont get much consolation from that. other people have long distance bfs and it doesnt seem to bother them. the guys got out of their relationships though, which seems paridoxical because some guys have to stay in relationships if there are girls staying in relationships, right? wahtever. yoongi's not going to be here for a good portion of thxgiving and thats what matters. sucks. 2093580329850348-63840683240860348603486093484603486093840968th: i FUCKING, HATE, CLUBBING. IT SUCKS HARD. IT SUCKS A GOLFBALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE.
ANSDLGJLDKGJ AND I DIDNT GET TO GO TO THE BEACH THIS WEEKEND WHICH IS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO ALL FUCKING WEEK!QRQWKLTRJW$OITGsdio k;o ae. sd.
ANSDLGJLDKGJ AND I DIDNT GET TO GO TO THE BEACH THIS WEEKEND WHICH IS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO ALL FUCKING WEEK!QRQWKLTRJW$OITGsdio k;o ae. sd.
In Almost No Time
I was going to write about this, but i feel shitty. Yay facebook.
I come across as an asshole alot. It kinda sucks, but i try not to mind because i really do think that things are true or funny. But then i realized that other people can tell the truth or be funny and not be considered an asshole for doing so. I think alot of it has to do with my generally uneducated nature and my ability for being extremely inarticulate.
Sometimes, in order to not feel stupid, I back a side of an argument or whatever. Doesnt matter what. But generally i have no idea what im talking about. when people think i sound stupid, which i am, i have to defend myself so i dont seem even more stupid when its revealed that i have no idea whats going on. that usually leads to me making irrational arguments or me just being an asshole. theres number one.
when i finally do know whta im talking about, i speak too much like a 4th grader to communicate my idea properly. case in point, the last two entries. i upset a couple people with those posts, and even though they sound really horrible, i think alot of the things in it tend to be very true, especially here in sb. but the simple fact is that im too inarticulate to get these ideas across to you guys. its really too bad.
i thought about it, and the only times i can present a viable argument in which i dont sound like a dumshit or an asshole, is when i talk about myself or running. i can tell everybody what i feel, the way i see things, the way i process information etc. that is, if my mind allows me to put the correct words together. and then running. i think after 4 years of running nonstop i have a bit of an idea what im doing and what other people are doing. so fuck prutz his workouts are bullshit. and so is his overall coaching. but yea.
so my point is that if you want to argue or communicate your idea, you gotta be knowledgable on the subject and you gotta be articulate if you want people to a)take you seriously b)not get offended c)not kick your ass.
I come across as an asshole alot. It kinda sucks, but i try not to mind because i really do think that things are true or funny. But then i realized that other people can tell the truth or be funny and not be considered an asshole for doing so. I think alot of it has to do with my generally uneducated nature and my ability for being extremely inarticulate.
Sometimes, in order to not feel stupid, I back a side of an argument or whatever. Doesnt matter what. But generally i have no idea what im talking about. when people think i sound stupid, which i am, i have to defend myself so i dont seem even more stupid when its revealed that i have no idea whats going on. that usually leads to me making irrational arguments or me just being an asshole. theres number one.
when i finally do know whta im talking about, i speak too much like a 4th grader to communicate my idea properly. case in point, the last two entries. i upset a couple people with those posts, and even though they sound really horrible, i think alot of the things in it tend to be very true, especially here in sb. but the simple fact is that im too inarticulate to get these ideas across to you guys. its really too bad.
i thought about it, and the only times i can present a viable argument in which i dont sound like a dumshit or an asshole, is when i talk about myself or running. i can tell everybody what i feel, the way i see things, the way i process information etc. that is, if my mind allows me to put the correct words together. and then running. i think after 4 years of running nonstop i have a bit of an idea what im doing and what other people are doing. so fuck prutz his workouts are bullshit. and so is his overall coaching. but yea.
so my point is that if you want to argue or communicate your idea, you gotta be knowledgable on the subject and you gotta be articulate if you want people to a)take you seriously b)not get offended c)not kick your ass.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Like a Summer Rose
I dont believe in protecting my blogs from other people because i think that defeats the purpose of an online journal. But I got a message from May Chen, of all people, yesterday. Here's what she said:
"hey it's been a long time since we last talked. how have you been? how's ucsb?
ok, enough small talk. the reason why i'm writing to you is because steven told me the other day that his boss likes to google his employees' names. so out of curiosity, i googled steven's name and your blog popped out. it was not pretty.
i don't know if you can tell or not, but i like steven. take a look at my facebook pictures. i don't want him to get hurt by something you posted a year ago. he's been having a hard time adjusting to life on the east coast and he doesn't need this shit right now.
i realize that you and steven had a falling out back in high school. you are entitled to your own opinions but please, i'm asking you to take down that post (google steven's name, you'll know which one i'm talking about) not only for his sake but yours. it reflects pretty poorly on you.
speaking of things that reflect poorly on you, i saw your post about asians. not cool. i used to think pretty highly of you, but now i'm not so sure. again, you are entitled to you own opinions. but how does writing something like that resolve anything? aren't you just segregating people more? that post just makes you sound like the ignorant one. i'm surprised you still have asian (i'm sorry cantonese) friends. are you trying to renounce all your old asian friends or something? because that would do the trick.
sorry, i do think you are a good person.i'm just a little upset right now.
hey, if you're ever in the boston area, come visit me at wellesley. all women's college, you know. a lot of horny babes. you'd like that. about a quarter of them identify as some sort of asian, but hey, that means 75 percent of them do not. :)"
i thought about it for a bit and decided that she didn't know what i meant. upon thinking further on this however, i do realize that i at least need to clarify a bit more when i write stuff online. lemme take a second shot, may.
first of all. with the steven thing. i really do regret knowing him, not necessarily because of who he is, but really because this whole thing is a mess. because somehow we ended up hating eachother. thats what really gets me. i'll say it one more time, i would rather never have met him than have us hate eachother like this.
second of all. the asians. i was pressed for time and came off sounding a bit harsh and all encompassing. i really didnt mean all asian people, because there are so many asian people who are nothign like what i said. what i was really angry at is that the many asian people that i observe here in sb fit this stupid generalization that i described. i was lucky to go to lowell because there were so many types of asian people who went there. many many of them who didnt fit the generalization. but there were many many more who did though. it wouldnt be so bad if it didn't have such a bad connotation. it meant that everybody who fit the generalization was necessarily afraid to break outside their boxes. afraid to leave their comfort zone. as somebody who was forced to break out of his comfort zone many times against my will, this makes me angry. why should other people get to have happy, ignorant lives while i get to rot in these stupid, hateful emotions which i am not articulate enough to explain. thats how i got may upset at me.
if i was really a good writer, my point would have been made already. but im not. so i doubt i really accomplished anything here. lets see if i can sum it up. "many second generation asian americans (or at least the ones in sf/sb) are too successful at alieviating the pressure to break outside their comfort zones. they do this by hanging out exclusively with other asian kids. it really shows here. this makes me angry."
if it makes anybody feel any better, i really hate white people too. especially white girls. i think the only race that i really like are eskimos. they're too rare to allow group think. because that's where this all stems from. people think they're different, and think that they have to hang out with their like, and that just really makes people more separate.
whatever. im probably just ignorant too.
sorry may, but this really is how i feel.
"hey it's been a long time since we last talked. how have you been? how's ucsb?
ok, enough small talk. the reason why i'm writing to you is because steven told me the other day that his boss likes to google his employees' names. so out of curiosity, i googled steven's name and your blog popped out. it was not pretty.
i don't know if you can tell or not, but i like steven. take a look at my facebook pictures. i don't want him to get hurt by something you posted a year ago. he's been having a hard time adjusting to life on the east coast and he doesn't need this shit right now.
i realize that you and steven had a falling out back in high school. you are entitled to your own opinions but please, i'm asking you to take down that post (google steven's name, you'll know which one i'm talking about) not only for his sake but yours. it reflects pretty poorly on you.
speaking of things that reflect poorly on you, i saw your post about asians. not cool. i used to think pretty highly of you, but now i'm not so sure. again, you are entitled to you own opinions. but how does writing something like that resolve anything? aren't you just segregating people more? that post just makes you sound like the ignorant one. i'm surprised you still have asian (i'm sorry cantonese) friends. are you trying to renounce all your old asian friends or something? because that would do the trick.
sorry, i do think you are a good person.i'm just a little upset right now.
hey, if you're ever in the boston area, come visit me at wellesley. all women's college, you know. a lot of horny babes. you'd like that. about a quarter of them identify as some sort of asian, but hey, that means 75 percent of them do not. :)"
i thought about it for a bit and decided that she didn't know what i meant. upon thinking further on this however, i do realize that i at least need to clarify a bit more when i write stuff online. lemme take a second shot, may.
first of all. with the steven thing. i really do regret knowing him, not necessarily because of who he is, but really because this whole thing is a mess. because somehow we ended up hating eachother. thats what really gets me. i'll say it one more time, i would rather never have met him than have us hate eachother like this.
second of all. the asians. i was pressed for time and came off sounding a bit harsh and all encompassing. i really didnt mean all asian people, because there are so many asian people who are nothign like what i said. what i was really angry at is that the many asian people that i observe here in sb fit this stupid generalization that i described. i was lucky to go to lowell because there were so many types of asian people who went there. many many of them who didnt fit the generalization. but there were many many more who did though. it wouldnt be so bad if it didn't have such a bad connotation. it meant that everybody who fit the generalization was necessarily afraid to break outside their boxes. afraid to leave their comfort zone. as somebody who was forced to break out of his comfort zone many times against my will, this makes me angry. why should other people get to have happy, ignorant lives while i get to rot in these stupid, hateful emotions which i am not articulate enough to explain. thats how i got may upset at me.
if i was really a good writer, my point would have been made already. but im not. so i doubt i really accomplished anything here. lets see if i can sum it up. "many second generation asian americans (or at least the ones in sf/sb) are too successful at alieviating the pressure to break outside their comfort zones. they do this by hanging out exclusively with other asian kids. it really shows here. this makes me angry."
if it makes anybody feel any better, i really hate white people too. especially white girls. i think the only race that i really like are eskimos. they're too rare to allow group think. because that's where this all stems from. people think they're different, and think that they have to hang out with their like, and that just really makes people more separate.
whatever. im probably just ignorant too.
sorry may, but this really is how i feel.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Just When You Get On A Roll
After spending 18 years in a nearly completely asian environment and then examining an other environment where asian people become more of a rarity, i have decided that i hate asian people. dont get me wrong, it's not in that racist way because there are many asian people who i love. morgan, connie, chris ha, michelle nam, and ytom. it's more of a i hate people who act asian in america.
what do i mean by this? it's really hard for me to understand myself. let me tell you what bugs me and i'll see if i can find out why. i really dislike it when asian people pretend they're black and get all smartass to white people. i dislike it when anybody does that, but at least black people can play the 'rich white boy' card and kinda get away with it (not really, but what can i do about it? im spoiled). asian people dont have that right. it's more of a 'my parents worked really hard to get to this country and made damn sure that i got excellent grades so that i could grow up and make their international journey worthwhile' card. it just doesnt work because really, the only difference between that and myself is a one of two generation head start. very soon the two groups will be completely indistinguishable.
but asian people dont want to be indistinguishable. that's why they are ignorant of other cultures; that's why they only hang out with other asian people. suresure. in sf asian people hung out with asian people because it was statistically in their favor. but in a city as culturally diverse as san francisco it was shocking to realize that on average asian people know nothing of mexican-american and irish-sanfranciscan culture, not to mention everybody else who lives in our fair city. completely unacceptable. and then i come to santa barbara, whitest college in the uc system and what do i find? even though there is less than 1 asian person for every 6 students, asian people still hang out in clicks or 4 or more! lets find the possibility of that in a totally random selection. It's one twelevehundredninetysixth chance of that happening. Amazing spectacle! I'll tell you right now, my best friends here are the ones in my close vicinity. My roommate, across the hall, next door, down the hall a bit, and sure, lauren and caitlin from lowell. It's not like a pick only white people either. Afshin is persian, Mark is flip(ish), neel is indian and polish, joe is black, chris is asian, matt is chirish, jess is mexican. i think this is a bit statistically skewed too, at such a white school, how did i get so many ethnic friends? But yet again, these guys live with me.
I've spent so much time writing this and i dont even know why. I just saw the disgusting, fat, asian kid who always eats by himself in the dlg, and i guess i wondered why he wasnt sitting with all the other asian kids. you can't cure disgusting i guess.
moral of the story: i love asian people, but i wish they would stop being so goddamn ignorant.
and i hate anime
PS. did you know that filipino people here consider themselves asian? i think that sf flips were just intimidated by the large amounts of cantonese and felt the need to distinguish themselves a bit and started calling themselves 'pacific islander'. nobody has said that here.
what do i mean by this? it's really hard for me to understand myself. let me tell you what bugs me and i'll see if i can find out why. i really dislike it when asian people pretend they're black and get all smartass to white people. i dislike it when anybody does that, but at least black people can play the 'rich white boy' card and kinda get away with it (not really, but what can i do about it? im spoiled). asian people dont have that right. it's more of a 'my parents worked really hard to get to this country and made damn sure that i got excellent grades so that i could grow up and make their international journey worthwhile' card. it just doesnt work because really, the only difference between that and myself is a one of two generation head start. very soon the two groups will be completely indistinguishable.
but asian people dont want to be indistinguishable. that's why they are ignorant of other cultures; that's why they only hang out with other asian people. suresure. in sf asian people hung out with asian people because it was statistically in their favor. but in a city as culturally diverse as san francisco it was shocking to realize that on average asian people know nothing of mexican-american and irish-sanfranciscan culture, not to mention everybody else who lives in our fair city. completely unacceptable. and then i come to santa barbara, whitest college in the uc system and what do i find? even though there is less than 1 asian person for every 6 students, asian people still hang out in clicks or 4 or more! lets find the possibility of that in a totally random selection. It's one twelevehundredninetysixth chance of that happening. Amazing spectacle! I'll tell you right now, my best friends here are the ones in my close vicinity. My roommate, across the hall, next door, down the hall a bit, and sure, lauren and caitlin from lowell. It's not like a pick only white people either. Afshin is persian, Mark is flip(ish), neel is indian and polish, joe is black, chris is asian, matt is chirish, jess is mexican. i think this is a bit statistically skewed too, at such a white school, how did i get so many ethnic friends? But yet again, these guys live with me.
I've spent so much time writing this and i dont even know why. I just saw the disgusting, fat, asian kid who always eats by himself in the dlg, and i guess i wondered why he wasnt sitting with all the other asian kids. you can't cure disgusting i guess.
moral of the story: i love asian people, but i wish they would stop being so goddamn ignorant.
and i hate anime
PS. did you know that filipino people here consider themselves asian? i think that sf flips were just intimidated by the large amounts of cantonese and felt the need to distinguish themselves a bit and started calling themselves 'pacific islander'. nobody has said that here.
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