Baal

You know how when a situation just gets too deep, people just cut their losses? Or if people realize they can't win the grand prize, they redirect their efforts to ensure the second prize? Today I entertained the notion of applying this to my faith.

Don't get me wrong. Heaven sounds like an awesome place. Theoretically it's even better than where I am now... in front of the TV. But do you know how few people are worthy enough to get into heaven? VERY FEW. Why shouldn't I just cut my losses now? You know, aim for a higher circle of hell.

I know I've made it past the last circle of hell, Round 3, Judecca. It's reserved for traitors to the Lord and those who set out to destroy the rightful god; you know, like Judah and Lucifer. Apparently, the punishment is to reside at the center of the Earth, completely submerged in ice forever. There Lucifer's three wings send forth freezing blasts of impotence, ignorance and hatred toward you. The three ultimate traitors are held in Lucifer's three mouths. I guess wanting to destroy the Lord gets you into some baaaaad shit, but I don't think I've done anything that evil recently. Maybe I should aim higher...

I am kind of worried about the Eighth Circle, Bolgia 6. This circle is reserved for hypocrites. It's not that I'm too worried about me being overly hypocritical, it's just the fact that EVERYBODY is hypocritical eventually. It's just different situations, you know. Hypocrites have a very tiring fate as they are 'clad in leaden mantles'... I'm tired just looking at it, but with luck, I'm moving up.

For most people, Circle 7, Round 3, would be a bitch, but if I died right now, I think I could live with A LIFETIME OF RUNNING! But hey, look what you have to do to get stuck there. Sodomy. I don't know. That might be a bit hard to sneak around, and not because I'm a Catholic... I think I'd be alright with this hell.

Then theres the second circle of hell, right before the first, of course (but the first is impossible to get to now because it's reserved for unbaptized infants and virtuous pagans, of which I am neither). It's reserved for the lustful. -Guilty- Sorry Jesus, but that's pretty hard on me. Especially with my little friend called The Internet. That's alright. The only punishment for being lustful is to be 'blown forever by stormy winds'. Hell, I've been to Chicago AND Boston. It's not so tough.

Tough? Tough is getting into heaven. I should just give up now. Like I said, I should just cut my losses. But I don't think I can do that to Jesus. Can't just give up hope. I gotta keep trying, keep trying to do good and all that stuff. Who knows, maybe heaven isn't just reserved for Jesus and Mother Teresa. Maybe there's a set of wings with my name on it... And maybe not. I don't mind running for all eternity.