Your Move, Holy Man

Church. I was thinking about it today. quite funny. first of all, no matter how holy church is, being the house of god and all, theres always a little bit of evil there. like that one pretty girl in church who gives you impure thoughts. youre trying to look at the priest, pretending like his homily is totally relevant and his jokes are really funny, and then she shows up. always dressed in clothes that could make a grown man cry all the while flying under the nun radar.

then theres the cantor. if not ultraannoying im-the-one-who-sings-here-therefore-i-should-get-the-eucharist-first-kinda-bastard, then its the cantor who fits into evility A listed above and has the most beautiful voice and just fills your head with that haaaaaleluiah. Then to top it all off theres the guy who wants to embarrass you in front of all these people so he sings really horribly hoping you'll laugh. and when you do the entire church looks at you like "does he not accept the lord, our god, as his saviour?" And its HIS FAULT!"

Nobody knows the moves in church, you gotta look out for the old people cos theyre the only ones who do. you judge them by how much hair they have... in their ears, not too much cos that means their senile, but o well. you just follow them and hope for the best. and my mom would always sign me up for the reading, id always forget my contacts too so i couldnt read it. "uhh.. a letter...from the apostage..to saint tom dick and harry." its the BIBLE, its not like you can adlib the bible "umm.. a letter from judas, to the apostles...ummm.. dear apostles! how was your weekend... it sure is hot, down here...tell jesus 'hey!'..this is the word of the lord. amen"

then its snack time, right in the middle of mass. and the priiest chants "whoooo wants yumyuuuuums...iiii made snaaaaaaacks!" and you'd all rush in line. be the first to get the "cruton o' christ". he'd hide the bowl behind his back "no, im not gonna give it to you till you say amen". i always wanted to steal the bowl, take it home and put milk in it. like a cereal. "start your day off the holy way with ChristChex". Youd open the box and it'd light up and go haaaaaaleluiah. and a little angle would flutter out. that would be cool.

popemobile...